Dear Fast and Furious wannabe,

Who the fuck do you think you are? Yes, you own a Honda Accord, and yes it has ground FX, a fluorescent pink racing stripe and a huge yellow spoiler in the back. And yes, more than likely you should be at home doing your homework or attending to one of your out of wedlock children, but that does not give you the right to spin your tires out seventeen million fucking times in a row, in front of my place while I’m trying to watch ROME.
You fucking loser. If I wasn’t terrified of red heads and non-caucasians, and didn’t have a bum knee, I would totally walk out on my back deck and give you a stink eye. I wouldn’t raise my hands or wave them aggressively at you, I wouldn’t flip you off or yell curses at you, I would just stare and you would know, you were fucking up my night.
So listen Vin Diesel, the next time one of the cats from a rival gang challenges you to a race off or jerk off down by the beach, please make sure to remind him there’s a husky looking white dude who will totally stare you down and make you feel guilty if you decide to race there.

Denny