Dear Douchebag Clothesmakers,

When I walk into your store bi-annually, and look at “pre washed” jeans and the $60 plus sales tag on them, I am pissed. Where do you get off thinking I’m going to want to spend a lot on a pair of jeans that look like they’ve been worn a paltry15 times. That is BS!

In this day and age, I should be able to get “pre washed, pre-worn, pre-sweat –in, pre-spilled on, pre ripped, pre-pocket corner holed, pre-killed someone in, pre-kicked the dog for shitting on the floor, pre-marathon run, and pre-shat in jeans that have been worn 3,000 times for my sixty dollars!

Quit selling us perfectly tapered, jet blue, denim tube legs, constructed by hungry 6-year-old Pan-Asian kids with OCD. I shouldn’t have to break the pants in myself, that takes time and patience, two things Johnny Pantsmaker that are frankly un-American. Spend some money on your “Pre Wearers”, and make sure they don’t shower, and break in the jeans that I will slowly destroy with daily rituals, and bad hygiene.

This is America, I shouldn’t have to break in my own slacks!

Dennis