Dear douchebag drives and pedestrians,

So I was out for a good portion of the afternoon running some errands. I was getting generally frustrated driving store to store looking for my (apparently) hard to find "products."

Anyway, I was really trying to keep my cool on the road. No sense in getting all worked up over other's stupidity. But, now that I am home - I need to vent. I am a nice driver, I let people over, I let people turn in front of me – even if there is nobody behind me, I stop for pedestrians. I do all the nice things that I wish people would do for me. Especially when I am trying to cross the road in the middle of a fucking rainstorm!!! All that I ask in return for my kindness is a little wave. Just one little acknowledgement that I did something polite and you recognize it and appreciate it. I deserve that. I have surrendered my right of way (except you pedestrians), all I ask is a half assed hand in the air "thank you." A simple nod to let me know that you know that I care – and that maybe you will return the favor to somebody in the future.

I am so sick of your fat, smoking, guess jean wearing ass pulling out in front of me like your POS car owns the road. The only thing you own is the back 1/3 of that rust bucket with the "Bush" bumper stickers holding the back window together. Just because you are dumb and ugly doesn't mean that you don't have to be polite. But I am limiting myself. It is not just the “heaps” that act this way. Those of you in your SUVs and your luxury cars do the same thing. And the minivans, too. No category is safe from the wrath of this letter. Wake up and learn to be polite, douches. We all drive, we all share the road together. Where are you really going that is more important then where I am going? Taco Bell? Or perhaps you heard there was a sale at Wal-mart? Unless you are being held at gunpoint, or have a pregnant woman in the back – there is no need for your rudeness.

And, because I am on this rant, I am going to get specific about my trip today. First, I am calling you out “Mr. Old Beat-up Gray Chevy Pick-up Truck.” Yeah – I saw you hit that dog. You insolent fool!!! Granted to dog ran out into the road – but you have a responsibility. There is no reason you couldn’t have seen it running in that yard and at least attempted to stop. Fuck face. Then, after you HIT IT you could have stopped too – and at least pretended to care. I stopped. It seems that the dog was lucky. He was scared and bruised, but not dead. Of course there could have been internal bleeding, but I don’t know how to check for that. Dickhead.

Next “shout-out” is to you “Mr. Punk-ass teenage bad driver, not looking where you are going.” If you are going to peel-out of a parking lot and try to “merge” with moving traffic, make sure that cars aren’t stopped. It has been a long time since I have heard a noise as loud as you slamming into that lady that was clearly NOT moving!!! Great, you have a V6 in that gold thing you think is a sports car – but guess what?!?! NOBODY CARES!!! All that people care about is that you watch the road and at least pretend to know how to drive. Pay attention and maybe your insurance rates will go down…and your hood won’t be held down with duct tape. Heathen. I cannot stand you.

OK – I have said enough. I will just leave you all with this message. I am on my last leg. I am about to not be polite on the road. I am tired of giving, giving, giving. Unless you change your ways, I am going to change mine. I will no longer let you merge in front of me, or turn early, or you, pedestrians, you can wait in the cold rain. I won’t care, I won’t care unless you wave.

Yours Truly,
Gordon