Dear Douchebg co-worker who won't let me take a dump in peace,

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Originally uploaded by Giulia1.

We don't have many moments to ourselves during a days work. But one thing that I hold near and dear to my heart is my alone time in the bathroom. After scoping out and settling into a quiet, uninhabited facility, why do you ALWAYS come barging in and disrupt my focus?
Now, I know that nature calls and there are times when you need to go ASAP, I totally understand that. This isn't the problem. The issue is that after I sit in the stall next to you, and wait patiently for you to wipe, you take 25 minutes to leave the bathroom! Aside from washing your hands and taking a quick glance in the mirror, you feel the need to do everything humanly possible to stay in there. First it’s the lipstick, followed by the blush, and then the eye shadow. Then we move on to flossing the teeth, popping some tic-tacs and blowing your nose. Now lets go through your giant bag to look for something else to do! Oh look! You found your planner! Lets see what else you have to do this week! Make a hair appointment? Great! Lets call… RIGHT NOW. Damn it! They don't have any appointments with Janet on Thursday? Now what?
Glad this is all going on while I sit here, waiting. Next time I'm just going to take a dump on your desk you big douche.
Sincerely,
Big V