Dear Douchebag Boss,

Why must you fall into that stereotypical role of being an asshole boss? Not only are you NEVER able to cop to a mistake, you have the uncanny ability to point out my mistakes within milliseconds of making them, no matter how inconsequential.

Also, please stop making me feel uncomfortable in the bathroom. I don’t mind that you always pick the urinal right next to me, or that you have to “shake” longer than the average fella, that is cool, I fucking love that. It’s when you share your thoughts on immigration, minorities, and how“black coaches in the NFL will never win the big one because….well you know”. In addition, the disappointed look you give me, when I don’t laugh, or agree, leads to even more discomfort.

Your eating habits make me want to projectile vomit on your penny loafers (Take the pennies out you big fag,this isn’t 1984). You eat with a mouth more open than Paris Hilton’s on a night out with the New York football Giants. Here’s a tip, if you EAT WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED, then maybe you won’t be so hungry ALL THE TIME, and the good majority of the food won’t be falling out of your shitty mouth before you can even swallow it.

Shut your filthy shit-hole mouth douchebag!

Sincerely,
Annonymous