Dear Douchebag Creator of One Ply Toilet Paper,

You must be an angry person who relishes the idea of his customers walking around with "shit-hands" all day? Either that or you are trying to be cheap, my guess is the latter. Do you think anyone out there, who doesn't wear a helmet 24 hours a day, braves the integrity of your paper by NOT doubling or sectupling the layers of your cray paper wipant? Give me a 9,000 foot roll of single ply toilet paper and I guarantee it's gone in seven hours (three on Sunday when football is on). I may as well be wiping my ass with pixie dust, the way your single ply TP disintegrates in my coarse, foul shitbox. I and many others are on to your scam dirtbag, and I will continue to pay the extra $1/per roll for that layer of security that shields me from direct contact with my rusty sherriff's badge. Quit playin' with your butthole "One Ply Inventor", you're a gross dude and a true douchebag.

Love,

Dennis