Dear Douchebag who wants to be my Myspace friend,

I am a friendly person. My friends will attest to this. I like people. I also like hanging out in large groups of people, because the chaos is fun. However, I don’t do well with total strangers, that is why, “Dixie Jo” I cannot approve you as my myspace friend. Again, let me assure you it’s nothing personal, I’m really, honestly just not even sure you exist at this point.

I did not list “Hot 20 year old with ginormous boobies and a tiny vagina” in the interests section of my profile, and you were wise to assume your application might peek my interest, BUT I’m still not going to add you as a friend because I am just that leery of strangers.

I think after "Middle school shop teacher" and "Burgular" YOU-"a Stranger" are the last person I would want to invite into my home, so please do not take my rebuff personally, I just fear you that much.

Let me also give a quit shout out to “Leonard P.”, “Carl”, “Johnny Pillow” and “Sharonda”. All four of you looked like nice people, and I think you found common interest with me in that I like television and ninjas. But that is not enough, even if “Reggie” also shares my fondness for llamas and opening mail, I’m not gonna add him because we’ve never met face to face or spoke on the phone.

Quit trying to be my myspace friend stranger, you’re a total douchebag!

Dennis