Dear Criminal Douchebag,

One thousand apologies for upsetting you the other day with my harsh words and stoic demeanor. I understand you’re a misunderstood inmate who doesn’t deserve the life sentence you have been given and the only way you have of expressing yourself is to tell me to fuck my mother and threaten my life when I’m just trying to do my job. I know you’re only 25 years old and you only have about 50 years to think about what you did and how you have wasted your life but I must say I’m not going to lose any sleep over you. As a matter of fact, what’s your name again? Oh yeah, I remember, “Douchebag!”

Regards,
Jimmy