Dear Douchebag who wants to be my Myspace friend,

I am a friendly person. My friends will attest to this. I like people. I also like hanging out in large groups of people, because the chaos is fun. However, I don’t do well with total strangers, that is why, “Dixie Jo” I cannot approve you as my myspace friend. Again, let me assure you it’s nothing personal, I’m really, honestly just not even sure you exist at this point.

I did not list “Hot 20 year old with ginormous boobies and a tiny vagina” in the interests section of my profile, and you were wise to assume your application might peek my interest, BUT I’m still not going to add you as a friend because I am just that leery of strangers.

I think after "Middle school shop teacher" and "Burgular" YOU-"a Stranger" are the last person I would want to invite into my home, so please do not take my rebuff personally, I just fear you that much.

Let me also give a quit shout out to “Leonard P.”, “Carl”, “Johnny Pillow” and “Sharonda”. All four of you looked like nice people, and I think you found common interest with me in that I like television and ninjas. But that is not enough, even if “Reggie” also shares my fondness for llamas and opening mail, I’m not gonna add him because we’ve never met face to face or spoke on the phone.

Quit trying to be my myspace friend stranger, you’re a total douchebag!

Dennis

Dear Douchebag Sauer,

I think you are the biggest ass hole judge that ever put on a robe. i am not a paris hilton fan but 45 days for driving with a suspended license is overkill.
You need your ass kicked. If i ever come to the land of fruits and nuts i will definitely look you up and kick your ass into the pacific ocean where you belong. Next time you climb your high and mighty bench I hope you develop a little less gloryseeking and develop a little more class.

-John Paul

Dear Douchebags at AOL,

I would like to express my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to the product development asswipes at AOL that felt the need to ‘upgrade’ your stellar product to an even higher level of suckiness as you recently did with your email program. With the latest AOL email upgrade your have truly managed to outdo yourselves.
Lots of cute graphics (awwww), a new layout (oooooo), lots of ads popping up that you can’t stop(fuuuucckkk), the difficulty in actually sending an email to more than 10 people(bastards), the constant error messages that I have dealt with since the upgrade (sons of a bitches) and oh yeah, the tremendous amount of time I spend waiting for the program to actually load so I can FUCKING SEND AN EMAIL (can you say lock and load?)….I totally love it,you AOHELL Douchebags.

Oh and least I forget, I truly appreciate your customer service system that shows just how much you want to hear from your paying customers. The whole 255 characters allowed in an email complaint really allowed me to express the extent of my unhappiness with your product. But then again, I would imagine that the douche bags you hire to work at your company are incapable of reading much anyway.

So to all the Douchebags at AOL, and you know who you are, thanks so much for your new and improved piece of shit product.

Much love to you all XXXOOO

Lynda